Family and Marriage

MARRIAGE SUCCESS EPISODE 4- By Pastor Daniel Nii Lartey (Ps Nii)


Today I have titled my counselling *The reciprocity of Love*

Yesterday I told you love has conditions.. But today let’s talk about some aspects of the unconditional Love.

You may have heard that respect is reciprocal.

As an Adjective…the dictionary defines reciprocal ‘as something given, felt, or done in return’

As a verb is the expression of mutual action or relationship.

Let’s stick to the second. The verb.

My preceding sentences may have suggested to you that I am about to talk to you about giving in equal measure of the Love your spouses give to you.

Or just loving each other in a relationship.

If these are your thoughts you may not entirely be wrong. Because Today i will talk about giving back… two separate entities that will make your Love Super flawless.

Do you know Husband’s usually tend to struggle to love unsubmissive wives?

Do you also know that wives struggle to submit to unloving husbands?

Let’s try to find out why

My law of reciprocity of love tells me that Love breeds submission and submission breeds love

Any time one of the two is fallen short of, the other will suffer.

Ephesians 5:33 NIV. says

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Husbands you are not to love your wives *if* they submit to you, your mandate as a husband is to love and that is where it ends.

Wives, it is not said that you only submit *when* your husband is loving. Submit, and it ends at that.

However, any time each of the spouses begin to feel they have to do the above on condition, they create unnecessary tension in the relationship.

Now… the tone and demeanor of one of you at any given time can make your spouse angry and defensive ( remember we are not two perfect people living together)

Therefore if for instance as a man your condition is that you love her if she submits then am sorry…because the ‘moments’ will make you stop loving her but if you love her because you know God is asking you to, then no matter the offense…your love will not diminish.

The same goes for wives. Just because your Romeo flared up one day because he misread your actions does not guarantee an unsubmissive posture. You are to still to submit because when you have all calmed from your anger, the moment, that moment you couldn’t submit will cost you.

I have said love and submission or respect is reciprocal…yes, when one hand is giving…the other just like magnet is attracted to give it’s due.

We have to learn to Love no matter the circumstances, a story is told of a man who was presented burnt biscuits by the wive at breakfast. It was burnt but the man enjoyed the biscuits as if it was a special order from Mcvities. Then the little daughter who was by then expecting the father to react to the burnt biscuit because she as little as she is, knows the father hates, dislikes, frowns and all the adjectives u may want to use…on burnt biscuits asked…Daddy why didn’t you chastise Mummy for this.. It is the reply the man gave that I want you to pay particular attention to.

He said…if I insult your mother or get angry because of this…it may hurt her for the rest of her life, but burnt biscuits don’t hurt. After all she spent all her time and energy to bake me these biscuits….I can either choose to be grateful and continue to enjoy or say harsh words that will break her. I chose the former.

This is the spirit of a man who is loving, a love which is not based on condition..

What about days when the man forgets the birthday of the wife*?* wives, you can choose not to prepare the day’s meal…you may *be* right because that makes you feel unloved…but am saying a wise woman will still submit and prepare the most favourite and at the sober moments…call the attention of the husband to it.

Before I close this chapter…let me sound this note of caution to the wives, *being* respectful does not mean you throw your leadership away, being respectful is refusing to control your man.

And to the husbands.. Loving your wives does not make you less of a man.

God knows it will be a task for men to love and women to submit that is why Love and Submission is unconditional.

Eph.5:22-25 says it all…for God to reference Himself as a reason for both husbands and wives to submit to each other tells us what a challenge it would have been without that rule.

Eph. 5:22-25 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

My prayer is that you receive the divine strength to continue to serve as gatekeepers in your own marriages to give the enemy the foot out of your marriage.

God bless you….(Ps Nii.)